My Life As A Rag Doll

Current Mood:  Aloof

My trust is a child's rag doll

Torn to pieces and thrown to the ground

Glass eyes staring at uncaring hands

Bright patchwork dress trampled and stained

Stuffing-substance leaking to the wind

Smiling broken at the shining blue sky

Dish It

Current Mood:  Abused

You take it, and you take it

And you learn,

You learn all too well,

So that later, when there's nobody to dish it out,

You can punch yourself in the gut

And take it some more.

The best part is,

With training and practice,

You learn your own soft spots and weaknesses,

So that you become your own best tormentor.

Double up over the pain and swallow.

It'll still be there tomorrow,

Waiting for you.

What Have I Done?

Current Mood: Confused & Afraid

OH MY GOD

I just found some of my pills on the floor.

And this morning I found some others just laying on the nightstand.

Did I forget to take them?

Did I take them already?

If I take them now will I be taking too much?

Am I compromising my treatment?

How can I not know something so important?

But, I even set my alarm twice a day to remind me to take them!

Even then, sometimes right after, I can't remember if I swallowed them or not!

How am I going to get better if I don't take my pills in proper doses?

How am I going to get better?

How am I....AM I ever going to  be better?

Am I ever going to be just me- again?

I am so afraid.

So afraid.

That I will never like myself again.

Anjd it's time to take my pills again.

Or is it?

Are those the pills I just found?

Fair Weather Friend

Curret Mood: Betrayed

U were a "best" friend as long as u were "the" friend.

Then came to me "another" friend,
and u became a "former" friend.

What the HELL kind of "friend" is that?

You think I only want you in my life when "no one" else is?

Buddy, I don't know what kind of "friends" u normally have - but, I don't go away that easily.

So until u return- as my "forever" friend,

I"ll hit the "like" button on your posts,

even comment once in awhile.

At least you'll know,
"your" friend
Is still here
and "always" was...

*Dedicated to CMcK. I miss you - my friend

Current Mood:  Regressed


To most people
Their body is a temple
But mine is a dungeon

These days

Where a dragon dwells

Some days it rests
Doesn't bother me at all
Others, it rages an inferno
Inside me

On those days
It steals my breath
So I can't catch it

Knocks it's head against mine
Builds up the heat
Until it drips out of me

I laugh at the fear of it
Cry at the knowledge of it

Both within the same second
Neither one planned
Neither one welcomed

Crocodile tears
Turn into dragon fears

The dragon slayer

I have become
Is away today

Today is one of those days
But tomorrow is a new

Fear me
You beast

My Job Is a Pain

Current Mood: Sick

You go on now I say

You have a hard day ahead

Get the kids up

Get them their breakfast fed

You've got laundry to start
You've got dishs to do

The dogs chasing the cat
The car alarms going off too

He can't find the remote

He can't silence the sound

You need to do it yourself

You know you're hellbound

Now the lunchs are packed
Now what's the dinner plan

Who has practice or a game

Who has to be their biggest fan

You know you are
You work according to plan

Once home after work
Once your real job begins

Everyone's bathed and in bed

Everyone's tucked in up to their chins

I have it easy you think

I have it the same every day

The alarm sounds at seven

The work starts as I pray

Not any breakfast for me

Not food only pills

I wipe the sweat from my face

I shrug off the cold chills

As I touch my nose

As I feel the pain

I remember the sores

I remember the bloodstain

To rub the sleep from my eyes

To rid the clouds as they be

Reminds me of sores on my eyes

Reminds me the reason it's hard to see

Go to brush my teeth

Go to groom my hair

More sores on my tongue

More hair loss to bare

It's been an hour half

It's been typical so far

I feel short of breath

I feel I've been hit by a car

Not the ice I chew

Not the food I eat

Nothing tastes good

Nothing but spicy or sweet

My lips crack

My skin itches so bad

I'm bruised from the scratching

I'm looking really sad

There again sounds the alarm

There it's time again too

Toss back pills in me more

Toss back feelings of blue

Or mad and tearful

Or morbid and crazy

I can't remember a thing

I feel nothing but hazy

My hands are numb

My fingers peck to type

All I do is laugh or cry

All to avoid the real gripe

The things that I think

The things in my head

Are caused by the medicine

Are to keep me alive not dead

I forgot what today is

I forgot what's in store

An injection more powerful

An inch in to my skin more

I fought the demons

I fought the tears

And laughed in hysteria

And denied my fears

Now to bed I do go

Now say good night to the day

To wake in a few hours

To another day the same way

When it Stirs

Curren Mood: Awake and in Pain  

     

So here I am, sitting

Alone in the dark again

What a perfect screwed-up metaphor

I'm so tired of this

I know I have reason to feel this pain but

But I want to stop it now

It's nights like this when

I don't want to hear solutions

And my dreams just tease me

With promises of a better tomorrow

That isn't today yet

And patience isn't one of my virtues

What, you mean this isn't normal for me?

Either I'm damn good at hiding this or

I spend a lot more time than I like to think

Lost in my head

Angst may be fashionable these days, but

I'd much rather be a happy

My fear is a small green creature

Coiled in my gut

Cold enough to ache

When it stirs

It bares its teeth

And reminds me how easily

It can turn to pain
 
It's the dragon
 
 

Locked

Current Mood:  Changed

do you know

what it feels like

when your mind

feels like an empty room

behind a locked door

and the lock has changed

Paper Boats

Current Mood: Sunken

is sailing away

on a paper boat

that is taking on water

Another dragon slayed...

Current Mood:  Lost



i'm going to live today like it was yesterday
because yesterday i survived